Rage Mode

May 25, 2017

I was driving home from work the other day, Formation by Beyonce came on and naturally, I cranked it up to 33. (33 is my Kia’s weird maximum volume) The number 33 is set aside only for really, really good jams.
It was Friday. I was done for the week and I was zooming to go see my Joseph, Pat, and pups while getting super jacked up in my tiny car full of baby toys, dog stains, and old receipts. I am also very pregnant lip syncing vigorously and possibly provocatively. I wonder if this is the audience Beyonce strives for?
Four years ago, I would have been going home to get ready to go out. I would be super pumped about meeting people at the bar and drinking my pants off. Going home would mean getting pretty, skipping dinner, and listening to even more Beyonce.
If you knew me before motherhood at all, you knew that I had a deep desire for partying. I loved to go out and have myself one hell of a good time. One might say it was what I excelled at. Shelby Pals knew how to really tear up a weekend. 
While I had an f’n blast through most of my 20’s, I am not too nostalgic about this former reality. I don’t remember the last time I even spent the time to look like I used to and I will admit I do miss seeing friends from before having kids. But, I still channel my old, beer-slinging, shot taking, booty shaking self when my energy is actually up for once. I am just now confused at what to do with this energy I get. When I am driving around in my Kia and the music is just right and I get that “Let’s do shots!” energy, I am not sure where to go with it. How does this energy translate now?
I am crazy excited to get home to my family and be Momma Shelb, but I don’t feel like this energy equates to, “Ok, ladies now let’s get in Formation!” I suppose I could try to make blending up sweet potatoes, filling the dog bowls, and emptying the diaper genie look super fabulous. Those blocks aren’t going to stack and restack themselves!
It’s just hard to convince myself that it’s cool enough. Chasing a toddler doesn’t feel cool. It can be fun as hell, but I don’t feel like Beyonce. I assume Beyonce’s parenting would look like her videos, but with a baby. I always envision her baby dancing with her and with all the same capabilities. Joe loves to dance, but he just spins in circles and then runs into the wall. Hilarious, yes, but not glamorous.
Beyonce isn’t the only person that gives me that “Let’s party!” energy. Joe and I can get down to some Bobby D. or even a little Lou Reed. But, it still doesn’t feel cool enough when our “Walk on the Wild Side” involves skipping nap time and eating cereal for dinner. I don’t think that’s the “wild side” that ‘ole Lou was going for.
Does this energy just eventually fall off? Or is my brain just slowly going to start envisioning watching Baby Einsteins as my new rage mode? Is that possible? I believe I need to start directing this energy into my vacuuming and toilet scrubbing, then I could somehow make cleaning a real rager. I am positive I could speed home getting down to some Weeknd knowing that I was going to get to take a nap.
Nap time for the win! More sleep for all moms. As new mothers, we will no longer assemble at the bar, we will direct our fleeting energy to taking a well-deserved nap. Nap time is the new black. I’ll alert Beyonce that her album for 2017 should be titled: Nap Time: Get(Lay) Down. 

You Might Also Like

No Comments

Leave a Reply